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Onderwerp: Jokes
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
---
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
---
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
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The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
---
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
---
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
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10) Gareth Richards "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"
don't get it :(
don't get it :(
A lot of pubs give you a wooden spoon with a number on it when you order food to indicate your order number.
When the barman / waiter calls out your number, you wave the spoon and the food gets delivered to your table.
The point to the joke is you write a number on your own spoon and steal someone else's meal.
When the barman / waiter calls out your number, you wave the spoon and the food gets delivered to your table.
The point to the joke is you write a number on your own spoon and steal someone else's meal.
and when you write 7 and the 130kg biker next to you got 7 you´re fucked:P
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a 130 kg biker isn't so fast. But if he catch you, he will put that spoon in your ass :p
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im still trying to catch up on that thread :)
taking forever and when i do do a lot at once they are back the next day anyway!
(187 pages :D )
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im still trying to catch up on that thread :)
taking forever and when i do do a lot at once they are back the next day anyway!
(187 pages :D )
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Yo Mama is so fat she downloaded cheats for Wii Fit
this yo mama jokes aren't funny at all. let me give an example:
Yo Mama is so stupid she born you.
wow how funny. only the person is offended by the stupidity of the person who told that. plus a good point to start a fight...
Yo Mama is so stupid she born you.
wow how funny. only the person is offended by the stupidity of the person who told that. plus a good point to start a fight...
It's not realy offending I said
but it's insulting what u said :(
but it's insulting what u said :(
i know, that's why i don't like yo mama jokes( besides it wasn't meant to you xD)
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest they said "sorry, no professionals."
yo momma is so fat that when she got cremated all flights in Europe got cancelled
dude i thought i would never laugh at yo mama joke. but this one is just bloody brilliant :D