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Onderwerp: Jokes
Two young brothers, aged 5 and 7 are talking upstairs in their bedroom.
'Do you know what?', says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we
started swearing.' The 5 year old nods his head in approval.
'When we go down stairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you
can swear after me, ok?'
'Yes, ok!' the 5 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
for breakfast.
'I'll have some of that Weetabix shit !'
*SMACK*!!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and
runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
Mum then looks at the 5 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man????'
'I dont know,' he says, 'but it wont be the fucking Weetabix!'
'Do you know what?', says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we
started swearing.' The 5 year old nods his head in approval.
'When we go down stairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you
can swear after me, ok?'
'Yes, ok!' the 5 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
for breakfast.
'I'll have some of that Weetabix shit !'
*SMACK*!!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and
runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
Mum then looks at the 5 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man????'
'I dont know,' he says, 'but it wont be the fucking Weetabix!'
Was funnier the way ya posted it in the scotland forum ;)
xD I liked it! Will go check the version 1.0 now.. :)
Speak as it says :)
Being from Aberdeen myself, I can even nail the accents :)
Being from Aberdeen myself, I can even nail the accents :)
Yeah, but I dont think too many will understand the Scottish version, Maclanghe doesn't count...he was the 7 year old!
:)
:)
Do you suggest that langhe can actually run...? ;-))
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact: "Judy..........Judy"
"Is that you, George?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, George...are you in Heaven?"
"No...........I'm a rabbit in Kansas."
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact: "Judy..........Judy"
"Is that you, George?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, George...are you in Heaven?"
"No...........I'm a rabbit in Kansas."
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA´s match.
2 There are no dental records.
------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
1. All the DNA´s match.
2 There are no dental records.
------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
In the Soviet Union the 1910s Lenin visited to Poland. The leadership of the Communist Party asked a famous painter to paint a painting named "Lenin in Poland" for present.
When the painter finished the painting, he showed it to the leadership of the Party. The leadership was shocked by the sight.
The painting was about a man and a woman, making love.
One man from the leadership said:
- What the hell is this man? How dare you? Who is this woman???
The painter answered.
- This is Lenin's wife.
- And who is this man?
- This is the postman.
- But the painting's title is "Lenin in Poland"! Where is Lenin???
- In Poland.
When the painter finished the painting, he showed it to the leadership of the Party. The leadership was shocked by the sight.
The painting was about a man and a woman, making love.
One man from the leadership said:
- What the hell is this man? How dare you? Who is this woman???
The painter answered.
- This is Lenin's wife.
- And who is this man?
- This is the postman.
- But the painting's title is "Lenin in Poland"! Where is Lenin???
- In Poland.
