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Onderwerp: Jokes
little schoolboy say's:
-mom my schoolmates call me GAY
mom:
-my son beat them when said it
little schoolboy:
-but they are very cuteeee :)
-mom my schoolmates call me GAY
mom:
-my son beat them when said it
little schoolboy:
-but they are very cuteeee :)
maybe
but son is really little gay :D
but son is really little gay :D
Dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
"Son, where were you today?"
The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!"
"What dvd?"
... "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno"
"What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mom laughs "Ha Ha Ha! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mom.
"Son, where were you today?"
The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!"
"What dvd?"
... "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno"
"What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mom laughs "Ha Ha Ha! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mom.
Once upon a time in a place overrun with monkeys, a man came and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.
The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching.
The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf. While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'
The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
They never saw the man nor his assistant again and once again there were monkeys everywhere.
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.
The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching.
The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf. While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'
The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
They never saw the man nor his assistant again and once again there were monkeys everywhere.
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.
Mom: Where were you last night?
Son: Studying with my friends...
Mom: Don't lie!
Son: Alright, I was at a stripper club.
Mom: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
Son: Yeh... I saw dad
Son: Studying with my friends...
Mom: Don't lie!
Son: Alright, I was at a stripper club.
Mom: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?
Son: Yeh... I saw dad
The longest sentence known to man: "I do".
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
(gewijzigd)
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
(gewijzigd)
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "paedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Paddy and Mick were going to London to donate sperm... However it all went wrong on the journey there. Paddy came on the train and Mick missed the Tube..
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "paedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Paddy and Mick were going to London to donate sperm... However it all went wrong on the journey there. Paddy came on the train and Mick missed the Tube..
Sir Paul Mcartney is already pissed off with his new wife. Apparently she's spending twice as much on shoes as his last one !
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. However, he notices that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So the new monk goes to see the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the other subsequent copies.
The head monk said, "we have been copying from copies for centuries, but you make a very valid point, my son."
So off he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where all the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees hide nor hare of the old abbot. The young monk gets a bit worried so goes down to look for him and finds him banging his head against the wall, wailing, "We missed the 'R'. We missed the 'R'." His forehead is bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, "whatever's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "after all these years.....the word was 'Celebrate'!"
The head monk said, "we have been copying from copies for centuries, but you make a very valid point, my son."
So off he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where all the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees hide nor hare of the old abbot. The young monk gets a bit worried so goes down to look for him and finds him banging his head against the wall, wailing, "We missed the 'R'. We missed the 'R'." His forehead is bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, "whatever's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "after all these years.....the word was 'Celebrate'!"