Onderwerp: Jokes

LOL, nice one :D

=))

A girl sneezed in the pub and her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand. I took it back to her and we got chatting, after a few beers and a bit of flirting I took her home and shagged her all nite .l asked her "Do you shag everyone on a first date?" she said no, only those that catch my eye !

A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his
head to see how long he slept.

So he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde.

Then suddenly she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol, then the blonde leans over to the guy and says,
"Let's have this last drink at my apartment."

Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word, "OK."

They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when the blonde stops him and says, "Before we go back to my apartment there's one thing I have to tell you, I'm on my menstrual cycle."
He says, ..."That's ok, I'll follow you in my Honda."

xD

In school, we had an
assembly on bullying. The
teacher spoke about a young
gay boy, being bullied
because of his sexuality.
She spoke in length about his
life, and the verbal abuse he
suffers. She then asked a
question, 'How do you think
he takes it?'
Apparently, 'Up the arse!'
wasn't a suitable answer.

lol good one XD

Best opening line:

Any chance your parents were retarded?

Because you are sure special.

Best opening line if you want to get your face smashed.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

in jamaica gays are gang up on by all the school and beaten to a pulp guess why

Because there are morons in Jamaica?

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. -- Bruce Friedman

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin Kitman

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. -- Helen Rowland

Yo mama so old, When she farted dust came out!

Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.

Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Yo mama head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.

Yo mama head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

might be true