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Onderwerp: Jokes
How to get to Heaven from Scotland .....
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school
class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my
car,
had a big jumble sale and gave all my
money to the church, would that
get me Into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned
the church every day, mowed
the garden and kept everything tidy,
would that get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was 'No!'
By now I was starting to smile.
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and
gave sweeties to all the children, and
loved my husband, would
that get me Into heaven?"
Again, they all answered 'No!'
I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
A six year old boy shouted,
"Yuv
goat tae be fukin' deid"
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school
class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my
car,
had a big jumble sale and gave all my
money to the church, would that
get me Into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned
the church every day, mowed
the garden and kept everything tidy,
would that get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was 'No!'
By now I was starting to smile.
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and
gave sweeties to all the children, and
loved my husband, would
that get me Into heaven?"
Again, they all answered 'No!'
I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
A six year old boy shouted,
"Yuv
goat tae be fukin' deid"
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties..
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only £5."
The Taliban shouted,
"Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you,
but I must find water first!
"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to
buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."
Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said
"Your f****ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only £5."
The Taliban shouted,
"Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you,
but I must find water first!
"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to
buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."
Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said
"Your f****ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"
post more :) i like your jokes , all just brilliant :)
Indeed, you're jokes are by far the best I've read in ages.. :)
Thanks guys.
A young Arab asks his father:
What is this weird hat that we are wearing?
Why, it's a "chechia" because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!
And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?
It's a "djbellah" because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!
And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?
These are "babouches", which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!
"One more question father"
Yes my son?
Why are we living in London and still wearing all this shit?
A young Arab asks his father:
What is this weird hat that we are wearing?
Why, it's a "chechia" because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!
And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?
It's a "djbellah" because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!
And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?
These are "babouches", which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!
"One more question father"
Yes my son?
Why are we living in London and still wearing all this shit?
I've heard exactly the same joke, just with camels in a zoo :)
Well, I lost the Trivia Contest at a friend's home last night.
I got the last question wrong, and was immediately asked to leave.
The question was: "Where do women have the curliest hair?"
Apparently the correct answer is Fiji .
I got the last question wrong, and was immediately asked to leave.
The question was: "Where do women have the curliest hair?"
Apparently the correct answer is Fiji .