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Onderwerp: Jokes
lol, didnt think I would laugh at that but I like it :)
A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill
The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news,
you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.
It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow
and you usually only have 24 hours to live.
There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.'
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320.
Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,
'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card.
You must be the luckiest man on Earth!'
'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24 ..'
Bugger me,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the raffle as well !!
The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news,
you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.
It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow
and you usually only have 24 hours to live.
There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.'
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320.
Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,
'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card.
You must be the luckiest man on Earth!'
'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24 ..'
Bugger me,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the raffle as well !!
3 guys are in a cafe
one says: ive got the smallest arm of the world!
another says: ive got the smallest head of the world!
last one says: ive got the smallest dick of the world!
the 3 guys go to Guinness World Records.
first one goes first and returns happy: ive really got the smallest arm in the world!
second returns happy too: ive really got the smallest head of the world!
lastone returns angry and screams: WHO THE FUCK IS JUSTIN BIEBER!
one says: ive got the smallest arm of the world!
another says: ive got the smallest head of the world!
last one says: ive got the smallest dick of the world!
the 3 guys go to Guinness World Records.
first one goes first and returns happy: ive really got the smallest arm in the world!
second returns happy too: ive really got the smallest head of the world!
lastone returns angry and screams: WHO THE FUCK IS JUSTIN BIEBER!
its the guy who will fuck 100 times more girls than u...
no, because the only girls who like him are between 8 and 13 so....
3 woman was testing .....
first, american woman stop cooking and says: "My husband was angry, but after a week he start cook :-) !!! "
second, german woman stop cooking and says: "My husband was angry but after two weeks he start cleaning ! "
third, slovak woman stop cooking and says: "My husband was angry but after three weeks I start see on left eye again"
:-DD
first, american woman stop cooking and says: "My husband was angry, but after a week he start cook :-) !!! "
second, german woman stop cooking and says: "My husband was angry but after two weeks he start cleaning ! "
third, slovak woman stop cooking and says: "My husband was angry but after three weeks I start see on left eye again"
:-DD
A small boy says to his father "Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?"
His dad thinks and then says "Right-ho son, go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million quid."
The boy toddles off and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds."
"OK son," says his dad. "Now go and ask your sister the same question."
The boy toddles off, and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would too!"
So then his dad says "Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds."
The son comes back excitedly saying Dad Dad! he said he would too!
"Well there you have it, son," said his dad. Theoretically we could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we're living with two tarts and a poof!"
His dad thinks and then says "Right-ho son, go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million quid."
The boy toddles off and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds."
"OK son," says his dad. "Now go and ask your sister the same question."
The boy toddles off, and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would too!"
So then his dad says "Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds."
The son comes back excitedly saying Dad Dad! he said he would too!
"Well there you have it, son," said his dad. Theoretically we could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we're living with two tarts and a poof!"
Two young brothers, aged 5 and 7 are talking upstairs in their bedroom.
'Do you know what?', says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we
started swearing.' The 5 year old nods his head in approval.
'When we go down stairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you
can swear after me, ok?'
'Yes, ok!' the 5 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
for breakfast.
'I'll have some of that Weetabix shit !'
*SMACK*!!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and
runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
Mum then looks at the 5 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man????'
'I dont know,' he says, 'but it wont be the fucking Weetabix!'
'Do you know what?', says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we
started swearing.' The 5 year old nods his head in approval.
'When we go down stairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you
can swear after me, ok?'
'Yes, ok!' the 5 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
for breakfast.
'I'll have some of that Weetabix shit !'
*SMACK*!!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and
runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
Mum then looks at the 5 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man????'
'I dont know,' he says, 'but it wont be the fucking Weetabix!'