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Onderwerp: Jokes
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and see's this HUGE Black guy standing next to him. The big guy see's the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch cock, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown." The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says,"What EXACTLY did you say to me? The big dude says: " I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me...? I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch cock, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown. The small guy says: Turner Brown? Sweet Jesus, i thought you said, "Turn around."
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The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man.. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
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A woman goes to her doctor and says "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp." The doctor says "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of Sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The woman says "Doctor,that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
The doctor said "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
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The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man.. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."
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A woman goes to her doctor and says "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp." The doctor says "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of Sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The woman says "Doctor,that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
The doctor said "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
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(gewijzigd)
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other outside the operating room the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks,
'What are you in here for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done
when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jello and Ice Cream. It's a breeze.'
The second kid then asks,
'What are you here for?' The first kid says, 'A circumcision''
Whoa!' the second kid replies.
'Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year.'
The first kid leans over and asks,
'What are you in here for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done
when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jello and Ice Cream. It's a breeze.'
The second kid then asks,
'What are you here for?' The first kid says, 'A circumcision''
Whoa!' the second kid replies.
'Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year.'
A Swedish delegation on study tour makes a visit to a U.S. hospital
to study the conditions there!
On the second floor in a nursing ward they see a man lying naked on his bed masturbating
freneticly.
-"Thats just terrible! How can you allow these things?" a
shocked elderly lady in the Swedish delegation asks.
The American doctor explains:
- "This poor man is suffering from a
unusual and serious disease in the testicles, which quickly get filled with semen. If he does not ease the pressure at least 8-10 times a day he might get a terrible pain, and there is a small risk that the testicles simply explode."
- "Ahh ok...", the Swedes nod, as if they had heard of the disease before.
On the next floor they pass a room where a nurse is in the middle of giving one of the patients a real blowjob.
The Swedish delegation are once more shocked at the sight of thingsand once more the elderly lady speaks up:
-"And how do you explain this? What is going on here??"
The American doctor just shrugs his shoulders slightly:
-"Same disease, better insurance!"
to study the conditions there!
On the second floor in a nursing ward they see a man lying naked on his bed masturbating
freneticly.
-"Thats just terrible! How can you allow these things?" a
shocked elderly lady in the Swedish delegation asks.
The American doctor explains:
- "This poor man is suffering from a
unusual and serious disease in the testicles, which quickly get filled with semen. If he does not ease the pressure at least 8-10 times a day he might get a terrible pain, and there is a small risk that the testicles simply explode."
- "Ahh ok...", the Swedes nod, as if they had heard of the disease before.
On the next floor they pass a room where a nurse is in the middle of giving one of the patients a real blowjob.
The Swedish delegation are once more shocked at the sight of thingsand once more the elderly lady speaks up:
-"And how do you explain this? What is going on here??"
The American doctor just shrugs his shoulders slightly:
-"Same disease, better insurance!"
On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers.
He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight..
Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight..
Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding which got increasingly
tighter & tighter as the day went on.
That night after the festivities were
finally over, she & Charles had retired back to their room.
Camilla flopped on the bed and said
'Please remove my shoes darling. One's
feet are killing One.'
Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her
right shoe with vigour,but it would not budge.
'Harder'yelled Camilla,
'Harder'
Charles yelled back,
'I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody Tight!'
'Come on give it all you've got 'she cried.
Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed,
'There! Oh God, that feels so good.'
In their bedroom next
door The Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said
'See I told you she was still a virgin with a face like that!'
Meanwhile back in the other
bedroom Charles was attempting to remove the
other shoe when he cried out
'Oh god, darling this one's even tighter!'
At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen
That's my boy, Once a Navy man,
always a navy man!'
tighter & tighter as the day went on.
That night after the festivities were
finally over, she & Charles had retired back to their room.
Camilla flopped on the bed and said
'Please remove my shoes darling. One's
feet are killing One.'
Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her
right shoe with vigour,but it would not budge.
'Harder'yelled Camilla,
'Harder'
Charles yelled back,
'I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody Tight!'
'Come on give it all you've got 'she cried.
Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed,
'There! Oh God, that feels so good.'
In their bedroom next
door The Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said
'See I told you she was still a virgin with a face like that!'
Meanwhile back in the other
bedroom Charles was attempting to remove the
other shoe when he cried out
'Oh god, darling this one's even tighter!'
At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen
That's my boy, Once a Navy man,
always a navy man!'
Two deaf people get married. during the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights as they cannot see each other's hand signs. after several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "honey," she signs, "why don't we agree on some simple signals? for instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. if you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." the husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "great idea! now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time." "and if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times"
apple = health
health = strength
strength = looks
looks = girls
girls = sex
sex = aids
aids = death
Now who wants an apple?
health = strength
strength = looks
looks = girls
girls = sex
sex = aids
aids = death
Now who wants an apple?
I'm allergic to apples, so I will pass on the offer.
in your case algorithm is way more simplier
apple = death
apple = death