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Onderwerp: »[NON-NT]Nanook
13) For lucky number thirteen, I shall promote my to-date least likely to be effective strategy for US international dominance. (I forewent saying "World" dominance, because as you can tell from the World Series, well, the world really isn't much involved in that kind of tournament, unless you consider a city in Canada sufficient to make it "world" anything).
We need to change the logo on the team's uniform. It is NOT scary enough. Heck, it isn't even really very interesting in a fashion or functional sort of way. Our jersey MUST have an impact, if nothing else so we can look imposing as we continue our international "futbol" futility. My plan:
Black background - the team will sweat more, resulting in body odor (see #6). The greasy shirts will also make it harder for those damn polish NT players to cheat the way they do by grabbing on and dragging us down. The bastards.
NO names- Our players aren't good enough yet to deserve them. The names get added one letter at a time, based on performance. That way, we'll have players running around the field with names like "A Bog" and "Out"
Logo - Chuck Norris' face leering in anger. The fear, nay, petrification our opponents will experience can only be imagined. Can you picture some Estonian imaginary player gazing at Norris' rictus, and recognize they he is DOOMED? For those that do not know, here are some of the newly discovered facts about Himself that will inspire our foes to wet themselves:
a) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
b) Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
c) Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
d) Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
e) Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
f) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
We need to change the logo on the team's uniform. It is NOT scary enough. Heck, it isn't even really very interesting in a fashion or functional sort of way. Our jersey MUST have an impact, if nothing else so we can look imposing as we continue our international "futbol" futility. My plan:
Black background - the team will sweat more, resulting in body odor (see #6). The greasy shirts will also make it harder for those damn polish NT players to cheat the way they do by grabbing on and dragging us down. The bastards.
NO names- Our players aren't good enough yet to deserve them. The names get added one letter at a time, based on performance. That way, we'll have players running around the field with names like "A Bog" and "Out"
Logo - Chuck Norris' face leering in anger. The fear, nay, petrification our opponents will experience can only be imagined. Can you picture some Estonian imaginary player gazing at Norris' rictus, and recognize they he is DOOMED? For those that do not know, here are some of the newly discovered facts about Himself that will inspire our foes to wet themselves:
a) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
b) Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
c) Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
d) Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
e) Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
f) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
if you spent this much time on tactics youd actually be able to run =D
I am not good at tactics. I AM good at being odd.
What are your thoughts on other US heroes, such as the almighty Bruce Campbell?
Oh, my. Someone with knowledge and culture. Army of Darkness has some of the all-time best cheesy movie quotes in history:
"Give me some sugar, baby."
"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun."
"This ... is my BOOMSTICK"
Of course, Chuck would glare at Ash, who would become, Ash. But the two make a formidable duo.
Needless to say, my knowledge of Bruce Almighty (The person, not the bad movie) does not make me qualified to be NT coach.
"Give me some sugar, baby."
"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun."
"This ... is my BOOMSTICK"
Of course, Chuck would glare at Ash, who would become, Ash. But the two make a formidable duo.
Needless to say, my knowledge of Bruce Almighty (The person, not the bad movie) does not make me qualified to be NT coach.
once again...bowing to the...umm...brilliance...of your non-candidacy, i will non-vote for you.
Consolidating 1-12 took 1 minute of cutting and pasting. #13 took about 5. I have two sites where I get the Chuck Norris stuff.
I believe that my next platform plank should include laziness. I'll have to think on that.
I believe that my next platform plank should include laziness. I'll have to think on that.
Thank you for your continued lack of support for my candidacy.
In gratitude for the continued lack of support....
14) As many of you know, soccer fans (or Futbol if you are one of those non-US people) tend to sing and chant during games in support of their heroes. I believe that the imposing nature of the home crowd can provide amazing support for the US NT team. I am therefore proposing that we mandate that our supporters include a few specific songs and chants in their play list during our games. The additional energy provided to the players will help overcome my coaching inadequacy. Some of the required content will be:
a) La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin may not scare them, but they'll start to dance uncontrollably. Especially the teams from south and central America.
b) Anything from the Bee Gees - Americans love disco. Everyone else hates it. If the crowd can shimmy a bit when singing (wearing spandex gets extra credit), then all the better.
c) America (by Neil Diamond) - Can you just imagine 75000 people doing their worst Neil, screaming "THEY'RE COMING TO AMERICA?" Horrible, isn't it?
d) "Ma Cherie Amour" by Stevie Wonder. We have to give out sunglasses to all of the fans. The put them on, and wobble their heads as they sing. Oh, the exquisite agony.
e) "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." A more soul-stirring chant I cannot imagine.
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14) As many of you know, soccer fans (or Futbol if you are one of those non-US people) tend to sing and chant during games in support of their heroes. I believe that the imposing nature of the home crowd can provide amazing support for the US NT team. I am therefore proposing that we mandate that our supporters include a few specific songs and chants in their play list during our games. The additional energy provided to the players will help overcome my coaching inadequacy. Some of the required content will be:
a) La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin may not scare them, but they'll start to dance uncontrollably. Especially the teams from south and central America.
b) Anything from the Bee Gees - Americans love disco. Everyone else hates it. If the crowd can shimmy a bit when singing (wearing spandex gets extra credit), then all the better.
c) America (by Neil Diamond) - Can you just imagine 75000 people doing their worst Neil, screaming "THEY'RE COMING TO AMERICA?" Horrible, isn't it?
d) "Ma Cherie Amour" by Stevie Wonder. We have to give out sunglasses to all of the fans. The put them on, and wobble their heads as they sing. Oh, the exquisite agony.
e) "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." A more soul-stirring chant I cannot imagine.
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That's brilliant, I'm not going to vote for you either!
I was going to vote for you but your arguments have carried the day therfore I choose to withdraw my support and fully back you in your quest for non-support ...
you should actually run so people can actually not vote for you
i do a MEAN impersonation of neil diamond's coming to america. ROX baby.